Openings
by HJB
Summary: She denied him, but the holidays appear to be a time for reflection and change. ChuckSarah


_I promised myself I wouldn't get like this about a tv show again, but my class was cancelled and Chuck happened to be on that night. I'm new to this world, so I don't think I have a full grasp on the characters yet, however, I was frustrated there wasn't more fanfiction and decided to write my own. DISC: I don't own it and don't want to profit._

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**Openings**

Here she is again, in his bedroom. He doesn't bother lighting candles this time. There's no mood music in the background. She made it perfectly clear that she's just here for the job. A friendship based on lies and distortions of the truth is all that she is willing to offer.

He'll take it; he'll take whatever she is willing to give. It's wrong and he knows it, but he fell for her the first time she smiled. His feelings for her are about the only thing he can be sure of in their convoluted relationship.

Not even the Christmas season could lift him out of depressions grasp. He's not obvious about it, but if you look close enough, you can see through his act. He's willing to be her friend, but it breaks him a little every day. Their fake relationship doesn't help.

She came over tonight for Christmas Eve with Ellie and Captain Awesome. Her mantle must have an Oscar on it because she made him forget. For one whole evening he forgot that dangerous people were after him; he forgot that his head was full of secrets; he forgot that the woman kissing his cheek and holding his hand didn't harbor true feelings for him.

They exchanged gifts and sang carols. She's a good singer. He isn't. A smile graced her face when she saw the eclectic set of CD's. He said something about finding a favorite band. It didn't come out as well as he'd hoped. The gift she gave him was perfect. He wondered if she put thought into it or had some CIA analyst suggest it.

They settled down on the couch with hot chocolate and a holiday movie. She dozed off, her head lolling onto his shoulder. It felt wonderful and uncomfortable. Awesome carried Ellie to bed in his arms. He shook Sarah awake and asked if she wanted to go home. She mumbled something about appearances. Sighing, he made his way to the bedroom.

That's where he is now, waiting. The water is running in the bathroom. She's getting changed. Thoughts of the evening flee his mind as she walks through the door, another skimpy outfit gracing her body. His eyes cringe shut and he wills himself to ignore the effect.

She stands there for a moment just staring at him. Words form in her head, but her mouth remains shut. With an inaudible sigh, she pulls back the covers and slides into bed, turning off the lights with a press of her hand. A quiet goodnight leaves her lips. He feigns sleep.

The room is dark, save for a streak of moonlight across her body. Opening his eyes, he can't help but sneak a glance, only to find that her back is turned. He stares anyway, letting thoughts of their interactions from the last few months flitter through his mind. Something odd catches his eye. A blemish on her otherwise perfect back. A scar.

He knows he shouldn't, but he wants to feel it, to touch it. He wants to know how the scar came to be. Listening to her breathing, he surmises that she's asleep. He un-tucks his arms, gaining courage. The destination is a mere inches away. His thumb makes contact with the skin of her shoulder, moving up and down the scar. He doesn't notice the change in her breathing.

"Chuck," she says, her tone giving nothing away as to her feelings.

His head snaps as he pulls his hand away like her skin's on fire. She turns over to face him. He moves as far away as he can.

The tiniest bit of frustration creeps into her voice as she asks, "What are you doing?"

"I was…it isn't…ah..what are you doing?"

He gulps as she casts him an accusing glare.

"I'm sorry. I saw your scar and just started to wonder how you got it, what it felt like. I didn't even realize what I was doing until you stopped me."

"You can't just touch me."

He recoils at the irony, the hypocrisy of her words. The woman who constantly dotes on him, in and out of cover, is offended by his touch. He doesn't have the energy to show her the truth.

"Right…right. Lost my head for a second."

Not waiting for a response, he settles back under the covers. He senses her staring at him before she too tucks back into bed. They both lie there in silence, trying to convince the other of unconsciousness. Neither buys it.

"It's from a mission years ago. I took a nasty fall trying to escape."

"Ok."

She turns her head at his uninterested response. He continues to stare at the ceiling.

"That's the truth," she says, wanting to ignite a connection in their conversation.

He turns his head slightly to look at her. "I believe you…are you….can you tell me any more about it?"

She shakes her head. He sighs and returns to his observance of the ceiling. She never can tell him. He wants to know everything about her, but all he gets are lies or half truths. By sheer deduction, he's gathered information on her favorite foods and colors, however, there's no telling how deep her cover goes. She could have every grain of the Sarah Walker persona on file somewhere.

Uncomfortable silence permeates the air. He want to go to sleep, to forget the day, to dream of what could be.

"I had a good time tonight." She doesn't share the same need for escape. She needs to deal with things as they come.

"That's nice." He isn't ready to give up his anger.

"This is the first Christmas I've celebrated in…god knows how long."

He turns toward her, hesitantly. "Really?"

She gives him a slight smile. "Really. I'm usually on a mission in some far off place or just have no one to be festive with."

It's the truth. He can tell. He can tell that her words are sincere. His heart lifts at her gesture. A far off part of his brain reminds him that's she's a good actress. He pushes it away. Believing her is too valuable.

"That's horrible…th..what do you do?"

"Most of the time I'm too busy to notice. But when I'm alone, I just spend the day watching "A Christmas Story"."

"Ah…excellent choice of viewing."

She laughs. He thinks it's real, likes to consider himself her personal laugh master.

"Is that what you're doing tomorrow," he asks.

"I suppose, unless there's a nuclear santa suit that I have to apprehend."

There's silence. He argues with himself. He wants her, but she can easily destroy him…again.

"Do you want to spend it here?" He needs this. He needs her to take his olive branch, to get them on a better path.

"I thought you were going with Ellie to see Awesome's family." She's questioning him, he can tell. His behavior has been so cold that this is like whiplash.

"I am, but you could come with. Or, we could skip it and do something else. I always feel out of place anyways." He's made himself vulnerable, opened himself to her.

"You'd have to put up with me for another whole day. It's not fair for you to give up your entire holiday for the sake of our cover."

He sees what she's doing. She too is vulnerable to the thing between them.

"It's not for the cover. I want to…that is..if you don't that's fine..I just."

She grabs his arm to end the rambling. He sees the merriment in her eyes.

"No, I'd like to. Thank you for asking."

Internally, he lets out a sigh of relief. He can feel his veil of depression cracking just a little. It's too much for her to be in cover all of the time. He's convinced himself of that. He'll take what he can get.

He gave her an olive branch and she gave him an opening.


End file.
